Where has my baby gone. Who is this gangly legged, sharp jawed little man and why are you so god damn smart. This is the summer you turned 6 and the summer I realised how much I needed you.
The eve you turned six I was a wreck. A crying mess of a mother. You had just got back from golf with your Dad and Granddad, a special treat to stay up. You rushed in the door, and I made a point of scooping you up in my arms and that’s when the tears started.
Me: “Did you have a good time”
Zachary: *clearly loving the rarity of me picking him up* “Yes mum why are you crying”
Me: *sitting on the sofa with his gangly legs either side of me, crying and smiling* “Oh! I’m just being silly as you’re five and I feel like you grew up this past week and you look older and I’m so proud of you for just being you…”
Zachary: “Mummy stop it! Where is your heart?”
Me: *quizzically, tapping my chest* “Here?!”
Zachary: * kisses my chest*
Me: *my crying kicks up a notch*
Zachary: “Mummmmy!” *looking genuinely concerned* “really!?”
Zachary: *jumps off lap, runs to the mirror and starts tapping his jaw in different directions*
“There! all done I think… don’t cry Mum I’m still me.”
And there it was. Him all over. The carer, the worrier, the problem solver. Our first, our little man. The one we made all the mistakes with and have a million more to make. They say behind every good kid is a parent pretty sure they are messing it up – well that’s me, your mum.
You started walking at 9 months and haven’t stopped moving since. You’re a pretty brilliant kid. You’ve just lost you’re first tooth and have better math skill than me. You’re the third parent in our house and it comes naturally to you.
This summer you changed. Gone is the layer of toddler tub that still lingered around your face, now I see glimpses of a man emerging in your features. You’ve grown up all of a sudden. But I’m struggling to keep up. I’m supposed to be teaching you so much and instead I think your writing the book.
Since your brother and sister came along, my 1 on 1 time with you has declined and my amount of mum guilt has increased. What makes it worse is the sweet look on your face when you tell me you “totally understand” when we can’t ride to the park as your sister is feeding and your brother is napping. “We can go later Mummy” you say and we both know it probably won’t happen, as much as I fiercely want it too. After two exhausting pregnancies in 3 years and your little brother walking late, it’s been hard keeping up with you. I see 3 year olds on bikes and swimming and wish we’d started you earlier, before they came along. When I had the energy and the time. But I didn’t and instead you’re good at other things.
You’re a relentless learner. A bit of a swot, a thinker. You like staying in and being ‘pencil monitor’ at break times. You are incredibly polite, respectful and understand how to show empathy and consideration. You are popular at school. You don’t like fighting and you’re not the loudest in the pack but when you speak I’ve seen you make gaggles of 5 year olds stop and take notice. You’re respected in your friendship group and for that I am proud.
Your’e a cautious character. You’ve developed a nervous itch this summer and it’s cute, but as I know you get it from me, I’m hard on you about it and constantly ask you to relax and stop. You dislike movies and rather sit and watch re runs of Masterchef than go to the cinema. You thrive on making up games and question EVERYTHING. Your’e a deep thinker, and you astound me with your views on the world. You love to make treasure hunts and magical trails, put pretend spells on me and read poem books and jokes.
I don’t know what you’re going to be when you grow up. But i know your dad and I have got one hell of a responsibility to raise you to your potential. I’m sorry for all the times I yell at you for not playing hard enough with your little brother. I lean on you a lot and honestly don’t know what we’d do without you. Your 6 today and you can get a 2-year-old dressed, coordinated, with matching socks and shoes. Pour him a drink, make him a snack and sing the right song to your sister to stop her cries.
Where did we get you? I love you so much.
You’re six, little man, I know you’re still you and I’m so excited to help you grow up even if i blub like a baby about it.
We’ve collected some of your ZACHARYISMS over the past two years and we’re looking forward to more.
Happy Birthday Son.
2 years of # Zacharyisms
- Zachary: We learnt the song ‘little donkey’ at school today mum.. (A rendition follows)
the donkeys carrying a load, the load is baby Jesus mummy
Mummy: how lovely Zach, who’s Jesus?”
Zachary:At our old house Jesus used to work in the shop opposite us, and wouldn’t let daddy In there.”
Mummy: are you sure?!
Zachary: He’s Father Christmas’s helper. If the presents are too big for the elves to make he directs them to make something less tricky. He also looks out for people with Christmas tops on and is nice to them.”
(A little education is needed I think) - In Australia there are pink clouds that look like African burgers and they are falling out the sky
- Mummy: What are you going to ask Santa to bring Daddy for Christmas
*Pause*
Zachary: A work game.
Me: What’s a work game?
Zachary: A work board game where you have to go around and make excuses up as to why you don’t have to work and make people ‘out’ that are not working. Oh! and a new tool and a lamppost. - Whilst eating dinner…
‘I love daddy, mummy.I love him as much as a cupboard.’ - How many lamp posts are in Africa Mum?
#help - This mornings clanger…
Zachary: “What is the future?”
Pause
Mummy: “Urrrr, tomorrow”
Zachary: “what like today?, what is it ?”
Mummy: *whimsically “whatever you want it to be!…..”
Zachary: “sunny. And to have a doctor who house in the garden”
#simplethings - Mummy your’e faster than a peacock with a flower in its head, your’e faster than mouse with a monkey on its nose and your’e faster than an eyeball.
#mysonisstrange - Zachary: “The carpet is poppy at the top of the stairs we need something to appetise it… ”
Mummy: “I think you mean ‘appease’ it zach…”
Zachary: “Oh yes! Silly me mummy appppppeeeeeeeese’ - Mummy did you know the sun is made of gas!”….. “Does that mean it smells like a fart?
- In the car…
Zachary: go faster uncle Sean
Uncle Sean: I can’t Zachary, the police won’t allow me to”
Zachary: But there are no police around”
(I both love and worry for this little man) - Over breakfast…
Zachary: Are we going to do stuff on the new priMINCER today mum?
Mummy: (Shocked that he knew)Urm… I don’t know, maybe at school? What would you do if you were prime minister?
Zachary: urm probably make more cardboard toys and give them to people, and tell people what toys to play with. But I don’t want to be the priMINCER mum I rather learn about frogs today.
#verbatim #monsterravingzacharyparty - Life lessons by a 5 year old.
6.10 am
First thing he says to me this morning.
Zachary: Guess what mummy, there is a world with diversity what we live on
Mummy: huh? What? Where did you hear that from?
Zachary: Without diversity we would all have to eat at the same tiiiime, walk at the same tiiiiime, wear the same clothes all the tiiiiime. I just heard it mum
#myheadhurts - Where do rainbows end mummy? Can they start in one country and end in another?
#7amclanger #dreamerthinker - School Run:
Zachary: Mum will you let me run in by myself when I’m at university?
Mummy: Of course darling”
#thinkingbig #mummiesboy - Mum. If you can sew… Then why don’t you make me my jumpers?” (help!)
- Daddy: Zach you’ve got to start doing some more housework so you can earn pocket money. Then we can look for some 2nd hand golf clubs at the carboot for you.
Zachary: Hmm I don’t want to do too much daddy. Else then I’ll get rich and rich people get arrested. And that wouldn’t be so good. - Urgh! I am totally wanting a spa weekend (as he rolls about the floor)
(Wtf?’ Get in line son!) - The wisdom of my nephew.
Zachary:Auntie Lucie you are my favourite person in the whole world
Auntie Lucie: Ah thanks Zachary
Zachary: it’s ok, I say it to people to make them smile
Auntie Lucie:well don’t tell everyone that bit.
Zachary: I won’t but I told you so you can say it to me - This mornings car conversation…
Zachary: am I in or out today mum?
Mummy: (immediately shocked at my sons apparent Interest and knowledge in politics) urm well it depends what you believe in Zachary.
Zachary:I think I’m in.
Mummy: Whys that? What’s your reason?
Zachary: well it’s a little gloomy out there and I don’t wanna get rained on.
Mummy: oh! You me playtime!?
Zachary: yeah
Mummy: well it might be gloomy for a bit but the sun will come out and it’s pretty warm.
Zachary: oh I’m out then, definitely out.
#referendum #analogy #EU #hockeycokey - Zachary: mummy why are our bottoms called bottoms when they are are only half way down?
Mummy: I don’t know. What should they be called?
Zachary: a half way down
You heard it here first. - Daddy: you don’t get anything in life for free Zachary
Zachary: yes you do, you get free hot dinners at school and when you’re born you get a free mummy and daddy. - Random car journey conversation…
Zachary: you know mummy, I’ve decided a job I want to do, but it’s not much money.
Mummy: yes darling ….
Zachary: a doorman.
Mummy: (eyebrows raised) ok (visions of my 5 year old in an oversized suit, standing outside a big door down a dark alleyway ????????) why a doorman Zach?
Zachary: Because I get to hold doors open for people! (Visions of a 5 year old in a khaki suit standing outside a posh hotel – a little more palatable)
Mummy: why do you want to do that?
Zachary: Because then to get to be a gent all day!
#firstborn #betterthanme - Randomly talking about ‘beggars’ this morning…
Zachary: well If you see someone at the side of the road you just like give them something
Mummy: urm ???? well yeah, you can, but you don’t have to… just because someone begs doesn’t…. (Cut off)
Zachary: it doesn’t have to be money or something or ANYTHING like proper mum it can just be a smile or a friendly looking face.
I just got owned.
He has better morals than me.
#humanitarian - Uncle Sean: whats your favourite thing at school?
Zachary: well it’s not break time.
Uncle Sean: (Oh shit I thought, what 5 yr old do I have to give a Chinese burn to??) Why’s that mate?
Zachary:Because I’m not learning at break time and I like learning
(Need to work out how to bottle this kids enthusiasm for learning, I’d make a killing) - Apon seeing a tantruming 5/6 year old at wyvale softplay flipping out because he had to leave.
Daddy: “I’m so glad you don’t tantrum like that now Zach”
Zachary: “well I just look at my common sense first dad.”
#toosmart
#wheredidwegethim - 6.30am
Zachary: I know a fact mummy.
Mummy: (yawn) what’s that then
Zachary: aliens have their hearts in their feet and if they get a hurt ankle, they get twisted hearts and love someone else.
Mummy: ZZZZZZZZ….right ok.
#toofuckingearlyforthisshit - So I did the ‘parent’ race yesterday afternoon at school sports day (Hayley’s fault) I came a respectable 2nd out of the mums! I realise this morning Zachary hadn’t mentioned anything about it since. So…
Me: hey you! You haven’t congratulated OR thanked me about the parent race yesterday!
Zachary: (silence. Head in hands) well, your’e embarrassing mum. You’re not exactly a winner are you. I mean you just aren’t ever good at stuff.
#littleshit
#mustrainhardernextyear
#illshowhim
#officiallyamum - Dont cry mum, I’m still me.
24 August 2016
